as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
