I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
