Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
