i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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