If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
