Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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