Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
