So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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