i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
