Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize