YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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