He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
