the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
