his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
pop tarts are not kleenex
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize