is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
