i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
