even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Randomize
