who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize