i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
