So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
