I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
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