Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize