She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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