he thought i was a dude.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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