shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
