ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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