Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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