I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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