Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
