can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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