what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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