once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize