I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize