Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
