Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
