how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize