2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
