If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
