Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
