my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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