How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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