No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
