All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i think i have herpe
just one?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
