You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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