Where is the hickey?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
