I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
