her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize