party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
This house was built for laser tag.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
