You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
