i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
