I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
