my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Randomize
