I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
