I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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