I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
