it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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