Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
