last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
