Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize