dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my being single is dangerous.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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