ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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