you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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