Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think I won the penis lottery.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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