Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
