Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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