The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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