the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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