I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
