I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Someone came in the potted fern
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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