the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
