I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
