why didn't you poke me back
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
