I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
