the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
