matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
