I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
