Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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