I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm too high and old for this...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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