You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
