My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
