How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
