i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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